“…Don’t want to talk about it”

It’s been a while since I last posted, but Meren was here, and we were too busy being in nature or in a hospital.  He fell ill on the first day here, and ended up in the hospital on day 5 and stayed there for 2 days.  It must have been tonsilitis, they said.  It was a horrible thing he went through.

I don’t know how to write this, really, but I’ll give it a go.

We drove through the Tetons.

We relaxed at Jenny Lake.

We saw the Lamar Valley.

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Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.

We went to firehole, to swim in the canyon.

We went to a river and sat under a geyser that erupted every few minutes, pouring boiling water into the area where we sat.

The ground where we sat was boiling, and certain spots were painful to sit, because of the bubbles that would emerge and burn the bottom of our feet or behind.

We went to Heart Lake, and hiked 8 miles in to a beautiful lake, passing thermal features as we walked.  Josh caught a fish and we ate it.  The hike back the next day was brutally hot and dry.  We got sunburns.

Everything happened so fast.  It is impossible to describe how I am feeling writing this, but I feel it should be written so the next chapter in my life makes more sense…why I am not planning my life around anyone anymore, and why I am not coming back.

Meren and I decided to go different directions.  Ultimately,we came to see that we are two very different people, with two different perspectives, and we couldn’t find a way to put our lives together in a constructive way at this moment.  Sometimes, even the deepest love for someone isn’t enough to keep the two together.  I can’t really understand why not, but I saw  it happen in front of my eyes, so I believe it’s true.  If one day, things present themselves differently between us, the story will change.  And that’s that, really.

He left yesterday, and I, like a fish out of water, felt like I was not at Yellowstone anymore.  It’s been hard to come back to reality after something like that, and understand my surroundings.  I am a little lost, but with the help from my friends, I am sure to be found.  We had a jam session in my room last night, with 6 very talented musicians all playing beautiful tunes.

And now, today, a song runs through my head.  A silly one from the ninties…

“Don’t wanna talk about it / I say why not? / Don’t want to think about it…”

*

I got a tattoo before Meren came, and didn’t write about it because I wanted to surprise him:

“everything was beautiful and nothing hurt”

…in my handwriting, on my collarbone.  There will be a picture of it up here one day.

In truth, it was a lovely week.  Everything really was beautiful.

That’s all for now.